I have no idea why I am writing this. I really wish I didn’t have to say this, but recently,  of my own free will, mind you, I made the greatest purchase you could make in CeX: Crazy Frog Racer For PC. 50p and you have lost all your dignity. And I bought it. And now I’m reviewing it. 

Don’t get your hopes down though. Please. This game makes me question reality, but it really isn’t that bad of a Mario Kart rip-off. You get a choice of the 6 most powerful characters in history to play as: Crazy Frog, Ellie The Fairy, Ninja Gorilla, Mad French Chef, Geerty The Cow and who could forget the almighty Gangsta Kids. There’s also that one sad guy that chased Crazy Frog in the Axel F music video and a secret character. Also, there is a Game Boy Advance version of this game which has the true best character; in addition to all the characters, you also play as a rastafarian dog named Rasta Dog. A true lad he is.

You don’t choose your cars, but my favourite one has to be Nothing. Nothing is nothing. Crazy Frog (now I kid you not) is literally suspended in the air and makes driving noises. This could be for humour, but I think Neko Entertainment were just lazy. 

You can also watch the music videos for Popcorn and Axel F if you don’t have a soul or ruin your nonexistent friendships in Multiplayer. Wow, 2005 was a really good year, wasn’t it?

2/10 Kill it With Fire

Minecraft. A game which gives you a blank canvas to let you create whatever you like. A talking pickle? Sure, go for it. A walking picture frame? Someone, somewhere, has probably made it. It was the greatest game ever. That is before it became a laughing stock.

The Rise

Minecraft from 2009 to 2013 was the single most popular sandbox game ever created by man. Go on Youtube and you would see at least 6 videos covering it. Youtubers like Stampylonghead and TheDiamondMinecart were making millions off of it, so what happened?

The Fall

Soon came 2014. An era of change. An era that would change memes, Minecraft and all in between forever. For 5 entire years was this game jeered at, and whoever played it was probably evicted from their house at some point. TheDiamondMinecart started playing legendary games like There’s Poop In My Soop (don’t even get me started on that train wreck) while Stampylonghead continued playing it, because societies reaction doesn’t bother him. His views dropped so he shifted his focus to other games. Minecraft was on the verge of destruction. The creator of the game was not even invited to the 10th Anniversary party celebrating this game. Minecraft was gone. And then 2019 happened.

The Rise

Somehow, people were making so much fun of it that it became…good? Pewdiepie was entertaining his 90000000 subscribers with a new series and new videos started popping up everywhere. It was the greatest u-turn a game has ever faced. There isn’t a youtuber that hasn’t started playing it. Why did this happen? Why is Minecraft more popular than Fortnite? 

Minecraft: The Review

The game has 2 main modes. Survival and Creative. Survival has you up against monsters trying to kill you and you have to get your materials to survive. Build a house, tame a dog, eat pork, do whatever you like. Creative however, is by far the most expanded sandbox creation tool ever made. You are given a blank canvas, quite literally. You have the choice to do anything. I would say the sky’s the limit, but 256 blocks is as high as you can build. Spawn dogs, blow things up, make a slime trampoline; you can do anything. Literally anything.

The game’s relaxing soundtrack by C148 is incredible, catchy and memorable. It has ambient tracks, piano, heck even flutes if you want to count the 12 music discs in the game itself. 

And there is actually nothing else to say about Minecraft. It is now the most popular game in the world, and it sure does deserve that title. Here’s a tip for all you Fortnite players: Go outside, get a life and most importantly…

Get Minecraft.

9.5/10 Breath-taking Game

Now, I do not think this is the GREATEST game of all time. I don’t even think it deserves the 99/100 spot on Metacritic. But I must say, this game will take you for a ride.

This Nintendo 64 classic is really rare out in the wild but if you do find a copy, expect a £30 or higher price to attack your wallet; this game is one of the most sought after ever. But does it deserve to be? Let’s find out. Alternatively, if you don’t want to dish out £60 for a game and then £100 for a console and then buy adapters for you TV and so on and so on, you can get a Nintendo 3DS version for a quarter of the price. Good for you!

Newcomers and old players may want to check out this game, but beware, you may be glued to your seat! No knowledge of previous Zelda titles is needed to enjoy this one, so pop in the cartridge and you’re good to go!

You play as Link, a good ‘ol chap from the Kokiri Forest who is given an ocarina instrument as a gift from his friend, Saria. By the way, an ocarina is an instrument with numerous amounts of holes, may sometimes be referred to as a sweet potato, and is italian. This game is the one that popularised it so yay, Zelda!  Every person in the Kokiri Forest has their own fairy companion. Except Link. Obviously. I think it’s a cliche at this point. The leader of the Kokiri Forest, an enormous, old tree called the Great Deku Tree, who will prove itself to be a recurring character in the Zelda Series. Well, no, not quite. Although in other Zelda titles, the Great Deku Tree makes an appearance, the Deku Tree in this game gives Link a special fairy to assist him on his quest to save Princess Zelda from Ganondorf. THEN SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTS INTO FLAMES FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT NINTENDO NEEDS MONEY. It sure does make an exciting scene.

Okay, I bet y’all want to experience this game for yourselves. Although it is just a teeny-tiny bit illegal, you can play this game via emulators. Get the ROM off the internet, and use Project64 to play it. There is no need to worry though, every single youtuber that plays old-timey games on their channel does this. The FBI won’t just blast your door down and arrest you. 

Alright! Time for the verdict!

9/10 Astonishing Game

If you thought Danganronpa was mad, then man oh man, are you in for a treat. Happy Spooktober by the way.

Remember Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc? The crazy man made a new game. And another actually. And a spin-off. Don’t worry, all of them will be reviewed at some point so stay tuned! 

Danganronpa 1 is set in a High School but Danganronpa 2 is set on an island. Not just any island, but Jabberwock Island (get it, Year 7’s?).  What a diddly-darn shame that you’ll never get to leave UNLESS you kill someone. Like that concept has never been used. 

The cast of the game is far more colourful than the previous game, so it makes everything look far more interesting when you’re investigating the murder of your new friend. The art style is the same but the story is probably better and more interesting than the first game but I am not willing to spoil it for you. It’s Danganronpa, on a beach.

And bikinis. 

8.75/10 A bit better than the first one